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  • Dana V. Hayes

Has Grief Become Your Home?

Death has a way of humbling me. I consider myself pretty grounded and introspective, however whenever someone passes it really brings me to another place. A number of emotions take over me, and often I’m left with little to say, but I feel. I feel so much that it takes me places. I go in and out of dark and light, and then silence takes over. Because still the right words seem to leave me.

Most recently the world lost two great men, among many I’m sure. My husbands cousin Chris Dunn, and Nipsey Hussle. One man I knew, and the other I knew of. The emotion I feel though seems the same. That is this: There is no amount of time or space that can replace a feeling that someone gave you. All the hope, the love, the joy or the peace. There is someone in every moment we breathe that is holding on to the feeling that they were left with. And the question becomes, if I breathe will it leave me. Will those moments we shared fade if I begin to create new ones. And I can imagine that grief then begins to feel like the only place where they or that feeling exists. I won’t pretend to know what that truly feels like, but the thought haunts me.

The idea that the people I love could be gone, and that in time I might possibly forget what that felt like. That’s scary.

It makes me extremely grateful for what I have right now. It puts life into perspective. Are the things we desire important?

What if tomorrow was your last day, could you say you made the most of it, with the people who mean the most?

Could you say you loved from your heart, and not based on a need, or obligation?

Are you present in every moment, or are you too busy planning or worrying about the next?

I can honestly say I can’t answer yes to all of these questions.

It’s hard to do, and that’s a fact. Because after awhile we start breathing again, and we forget to feel. We get bogged down with controlling every moment, being fearful of the outcome, and consumed with appearances.

#WeekendISH is a feeling and a movement to empower people to live everyday like it’s the weekend because there is nothing more certain in life, than death. But how we live preceding it is meaningful. The final resting place of our loved ones doesn’t have to be the end of the essence of who they were to us.

The beauty of a soul is that it’s energy can be transferred, how you use it will be the true testament of how much you loved and respected them.

Be the vessel through which every good thing you gained from them can flourish and be shared.

This is living. This is allowing them and that feeling to stay with you always.

Hold on to the love, not the loss - Eva Longoria

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